You would never guess how something so simple as a smile from your children could put you back on track and remind you of what�s really important in life.
I was in such a tough spot last week with work and all. I was exhausted and didn�t even know why. I couldn�t remain focused on anything till it hit me....I was getting consumed by something out of my control. Work politics. I found myself fighting back at something I wouldn�t normally even be concerned with. Its really too much to put into details, but the bottom line is that the higher powers to be have finally found their way through my tough shell of "if it doesn�t affect me, I need not be concerned" !!!!!
By the end of last week I was getting so worked up about things like co-workers being given an opportunity for advancement that wasn�t offered to me. Unfair management and blatant neglect to keep me informed to perform my job better. Even to the point a co-worker and someone I considered a friend failed to include me. I suspect all part of what she was told to do � learn as much as possible without me knowing so they can promote her to a higher level. Okay..... trying to stay on track here...
It wasn�t till I was away from that place that I finally realized, it wasn�t about what I was or wasn�t getting - it was more about the fear I would actually be without my job � there was this potential they would find a way to do ALL the jobs around here on their own, therefore believing they could eliminate my position.
Okay so I know it sounds like paranoia and part of me KNOWS it really is�..but they are whacky enough to believe that they can save money by reducing staff and just paying for two people who will stay ungodly hours of the night to get things done. Its stupid I know, but at this point I don�t even think the person I once gave so much credit to and held respect for would blink an eye at the thought...you never know. I�ve seen sides of her this past week that stunned me with shock!!
I can only do my best at my job, continue to work the hours it takes to get things done and go to sleep each night knowing I am only being real and being me.
A moment of inspiration also came to me too when I found a book at Barnes and Noble this past Saturday. It was a book of good thoughts for work. I read this: Tension is who you think you should be, Relaxation is who you really are.
So this week�..I�m relaxed. I refuse to give in to the stress of who "THEY" want me to be. I am only who I am, and shall remain. For my children, for my soon to be husband and for my own sanity.
9:52 a.m. - 2006-06-28
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