Happiness.
This has been a subject that continues to creep into my thoughts a lot lately. I am, for the most part, happy 98% of the time. But every now and then, I get in a funk.
Yesterday, I was not very happy.
Let me go back a few weeks here. Three weeks ago, today, I was cleaning my neighbors house for her. I turned at a really awkward angle to wipe something off the bottom bathroom door and POP! My right hip went out of socket. Its an artificial hip. I was in extreeeeeeeeeeme pain.
By some random twist of fate, my husband just happen to be home at that time. It was around 2:30 in the afternoon. His office was under construction so he came to work from home. In any event, as soon as I heard the POP and saw stars I knew something had drastically gone wrong. But my phone was not in the bathroom. It was on the bedroom floor right outside the bathroom. As much pain as I was in, I was afraid any little move would make me pass out. I was already hyperventilating. I verrrrry slowly hopped to the bedroom and grabbed my phone. I got my husband over within seconds. After a rather agonizing trip in the ambulance, I finally got to the hospital!
Jumping ahead.
My hip was reset and now I must have hip surgery to replace the casing of that artificial hip. It appears after 24 years, I've finally wore it out.
So, back to the happiness topic.
I went through 3-4 days of real depression. Like y'all I was sad. I was annoyed and frustrated. I was restricted from movement and I actually listened. Because HOLY FUCK that the worst pain I've experienced in years. (For the record Gal bladder attack and Lymphangiagram took 1st and 2nd place til now)
Being restricted was a blow to my world. My whole life. I've been restricted before, but it was different this time. This time it wasn't temporary. After my follow-up appointment, I was told I can't bend over my right side anymore or allow my knee to come any higher than hip level. And running? Nope. So all the things I'm used to doing in a day that actually make me feel good are no longer allowed. I like to stay active. I am on restriction until I get the new hip part, which is scheduled for November 6th. Don't get me wrong, I am up and moving around, looking normal. And, I can walk for days and that's fine. But you just don't realize how many 'other' things you do in a day that require you to bend over your right hip.
Putting on shoes
Sitting curled up in your favorite chair
Plopping yourself down on the floor to play with your kid
Leaning into your backseat of the car to grab your purse
Sleeping with your knees to your chest
Grabbing squats whenever you can while cleaning, brushing teeth, folding laundry, etc. (my butt is gonna go flat!!!!)
The worst part is, after surgery, I'm still restricted. He said I can dislocate that hip at any time pretty much for the rest of my life. EVEN WITH THE NEW PART!!! What the fuck!?! No no no no no!
And that's why I sit up late at night thinking about happiness. We really take it for granted.
Years ago when I was high school I worked for 3 years at a local convalescent home for the elderly. We were volunteer candystripers . Honestly, working there as a teen-ager was one of the best lessons in life I could have ever received. Mostly about patience and understanding. I also remember during our training we were told over and over again, 'put yourself in their shoes.' And I felt for the most part, I did.
However, at 15, putting myself in their shoes meant 'How would I feel if I was left in a home all day with other ailing people and no family around?' I think I saw them all as lonely, forgotten, burdensome, sometimes bitter old folk. Still, I could tell that just by being there, greeting them with a smile, letting them share their life stories or family pictures made them so much happier. What I didn't realize until now, at age 50, is that the trainer should have also said this:
Picture yourself in your typical day. You move around, run to catch something that has blown off in the wind, run up or down stairs, swing, skip, squat to pick something up, shop, grab a shower, wear heels or go out dancing. Now imagine waking up one day and you are no longer able or allowed to do those things. And they aren't coming back. This is now your life. Each and every one of those patients are going through that. It may not have happened overnight, but it happened. They are now restricted. And this place, that bed or chair, that hallway is all they see, this is now their life. When you have that one patient who does nothing but complain, or that particularly grumpy old man or woman you can't make happy at any cost, don't avoid them and just tend to your responsibilities. They need someone with solicitude too. They are bitter because life happened.
Yup, that is the training I could have used. Not that I think as a teenager I would have any words of wisdom to help those bitter old folks, but I think it would have helped with being a bit more compassionate. So.... yeah......now I get it. 30 years later.
Oh, and to top all this off, I'm still plateaued on losing weight. Hanging around that 160lb mark. And walking is my only exercise now. I have days when I'm close to 155, but they are few and far between. Of course all this hip nonsense doesn't help because when I'm depressed all I want to do is eat or drink (beer) for happiness.
In other news, I'll be traveling to Jersey in a couple of weeks to hang out with my youngest daughter. Her baby is due September 27th. Fingers crossed it comes on time because Rachel (my oldest daughter) is flying in from Omaha as well. Although I already warned her, babies show up only when they're ready. LOL
8:35 a.m. - 2018-09-10
Recent entries:
Pre to Eve of Thanksgiving - 2019-11-26
Can I get a little help here please? - 2019-06-27
Am I Cranky Or Are you an Asshole - 2019-04-29
Part 2 - Just a Review of 2018 Places and Things - 2019-02-22
Along Comes Rental Kid #2 - Entry 1 of 2 - 2019-02-22
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
jimbostaxi
alwayshiding
misfitstray
catsoul
astitchaway
sundaygirl
blah-g
Barefoot Ruby
gr8legs
starkitten01
curious-me
matt
nineofswords.
dangerspouse
tomatogirl