So this weekend was interesting. The weekend started out okay. I went out to happy hour Friday with the hubby. It was short and sweet, but as always I felt I would have had a better time if I was without him. Still working on that issue.
Saturday I wasn�t feeling all that hot, but got up early and went to get my hair done anyway.
Now you have to realize� I went there as a brunette thinking I would become a blonde. I had imagined a very natural but attractive looking blonde with a few highlights to add to the color and to make it look natural. What I got was something more like Annie Lenox blonde � almost white. OH MY GOD!!!
So well�there�s the attention getter. I really didn�t need to draw attention to myself, but this will surely do it. The men at work have all given me their definite approval - so I it must look okay. Just taking time to get used to.
I did e-mail the friend � (R for Now) to let him know I was now very blonde. He said he couldn�t wait to see it and bet it was sexy. I quickly reminded him that I could make bald sexy, but that it really was an eye-opener. Kidding of course about the bald part�
Anyway, I guess I was hoping R would want to see the hair that he would try to pay me a visit or insist on meeting at lunch or something. But no. I didn�t let that bother me though because my friend Dan filled that spot. In fact, as soon as I told him I was blonde � bam! � �meet me at the river for lunch� � He�s great. Always lifts my spirits. And he gives a hug with all that he is � I love that too.
I know I was thinking that he wasn�t as intrigued as Mike would have been. I miss Mike. Mike was an old flame. Mike is gone, but never will he be forgotten. My only real �soul mate�. We knew what each other was thinking all the time and even now I sometimes still think he is sending me messages. Messages from above. Mike used to hug me with his whole body too. I really miss him. I often thought of telling my husband that he�s competing with a dead guy. I sometimes suspect though that its not as much who, but what. I want to have and feel that passion that I had with Mike years ago. I�m guessing I�m just too old to hope for that anymore. I�ll just have to settle for any unexpected occasions of steamy lust. It�s as good of a substitute as any. I have some really crazy fantasies too.
So tomorrow is a party for the girls. Adult toys. I am so looking forward to that too. So many fun and exotic toys. And with no action at home� hey I�m horny! I�m sure I�ll have a list of things I�ll want to order. My husband is happy and excited too � guess he�s hoping this will bring the action back into the bedroom. Its possible.
I think the weekend was good for me. I feel more in control of me today. Really in control of my emotions. Have to almost wonder if it was post-menstrual feelings last week that was getting me down.
I�ve been listening to my favorite songs by Destiny�s Child, Alicia Keys, Ciara�and now I feel like I could just tell R to go find someone else�s life to mess up. But I probably would really miss him. Funny. He does provide a certain amount of entertainment. And whenever he leaves early for the day (like today- he had a dentist appt.) I find my attention quickly directed somewhere else to fill the void. Like Friday he was off too� but then again I had no problem leaving work with my husband to do some painting. Its almost like if I know he�s not there � I don�t crave him. Unlike chocolate cake.
4:11 p.m. - 2005-04-04
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