Okay so Rod just blew me off for lunch today saying he had a lot to do since he was going to be off work for five days. I was like WHAT??? Five days?? He NEVER told me that.
I knew he was off tomorrow, hell I'm off tomorrow. We were supposed to spend it together but he was pretty quick to schedule car appts when he realized he had to call it quits with me. WHATEVER!!! But then I asked if we'll ever get a day off together. He said it just wasn't likely.. again WHATEVER!!! Yeah - that's not going to work very well with me for very long... I need him, I thought he needed me too - but I'm seeing maybe that he really doesn't. I don't know. Trying not to be such a baby about it.
Then when I asked why he never mentioned being off till next Wednesday he simply said .... well its on my calendar (which it wasn't) and then he said I thought I told you.... WELL guess again. I was so disappointed. Here I was just telling him that I was lonely and wanted more time with him and now he's off for five days. Am I being played? I want to believe I'm not....but.....what would you think?
So now he agreed to see me at lunch, but I have to drive out and meet him. Am I being played? I wonder how many times I have to ask myself that!!! Asshole! What the fuck is wrong with me - how'd I become this pathetic? Love - that's all i can say.... its all because i want Love!!
So, I also called many places today about renting. Several will be calling me back. Did my budget and doesn't look like I'll have too much to work with each month, but we'll see. And if John thinks I'm paying him any more than half the mortgage - he's really nuts!
12:36 p.m. - 2005-08-11
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