I'm actually still at work. Its just a little after 7:00 and I'm busy running my reports before my meetings the rest of the week.
It was a SUPER long weekend for me with no contact with Rod. I was really kind of bummed. Missing Rod terribly. Rod has been off since last Thursday and he hasn't sent me so much as a quick "hi" in e-mail But this morning he sent me two very quick e-mails to let me know he's thinking of me... and so now I'm good. LOL. That's all I wanted - just to know he misses me (as much as I miss him).
I know... here I go again with the need of knowing that he thinks of me AND that I'm not the only one in this relationship. I want to believe that, but like I said before after he broke my heart this last time...I'm still heavily guarded. The man really floats my boat.
It was a horrible weekend, that's why it seemed SUPER long. My only happy point was getting to leave for three hours to get my hair colored. Other than that... John and I argued all weekend about stupid shit. I was even yelling at certain times which is something "new" for me. LOL.
He was looking to pick a fight I think. He is going to constantly blame me for all of the problems this divorce will cause. Everything from I'm not being fair to where he claims he can't start over.... blah blah blah. He is wrong and he will see that some day. He also said I should leave ASAP - welll HELLLOOO??? I've been saying that, but I can't afford to right now, I need to wait till our next payday. He doesn't seem to believe me when I say that. Then he makes sure he throws in that extra line that its not too late to turn back and try again. GIVE IT UP JOHN - I'm DONE!!! Besides - he is just really making me sick. Natious!!
And then he was saying he wouldn't go on vacation with me and the girls - WHATEVER. He told the girls too -which I was surprised he did. They were actually okay with the idea. I would actually like it very much if he didnt go, but that's not fair to the girls, so I say I don't care either way. I'll still have fun and that makes him mad. And too because he just wants me to say I want him to go - and I really don't!! Fishing always fishing for hope...
He has changed his mind about four times about this trip - I'm sure he'll change it again several more times before the weekend actually gets here.
BTW, I will be out for two weeks - so its not likely I'll be making any entries in my diary either - but maybe I will. We'll see. I know I'll miss Rod terribly while I'm gone, but when I get back it will be time to look for apartments and then move on with life....
GOD I miss him. He doesn't come back to work till Wednesday - his birthday. Turns 43. Amasing he has sex appeal at 43!!
7:21 p.m. - 2005-08-15
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