So....here it is day 13 of vacation. It has been a very long vacation. Any other time in life I would have said two weeks vacation is ideal. I will rethink that next time someone asks me to go away this long without a man. LOL. I came to OBX with Lori and her husband Dave...and son Aaron. John decided not to come which caused our youngest daughter Sarah to be quite sad on several occassions. But as I found out later it was because he was drinking and he was saying depressing things on the phone to her. Lori and Dave both talked to him and hopefully straightened things out - but who knows. I'm just trying to go with the flow so my kids can have a happy vacation.
The first week Lori and Dave's friends they had met on a cruise a few years ago came along. It was VERY trying for all of us I believe. A few fun moments and the husband seemed to really be enjoying the fact that I was here alone... it was funny. They have great kids, but anytime you get 5 kids together for more than a few days in a house its just stressful. Plus none of us discipline our children the same way. I really don't see them disciplining their kids at all would be the real problem. The two kids walk all over their parents and they let them. Its hard to be around that and not say anything, but I didn't.
I was so glad when they left last Saturday. I finally found time to sit on the beach and truly relax. Although it seem like with each day I was here I missed Rod more and more. I've been lucky enough to talk with him every day and e-mail him several times a day. Even on Saturday he came into work to do some server work, but he was able to call me even then - GOD that made me feel so much better. He is truly the most wonderful man. I'm so crazy about him.
So anyway on Monday of this week we heard that Dave's mom was ill and may pass away, well Tuesday night she did. So now we have been struggling with that. We are leaving a day early - I'm glad actually. The death seems to have been harder on Lori than Dave, but only because she's very open about expressing her emotions and even seems at times a bit dramatic, but that's who she is. Drama is not for me, but if its what makes her able to deal with things than I'm only here for her as much as I can be. I feel bad for her and Dave. She's been trying hard to figure out what she wants in life and dealing with all her other issues ...like wanting to screw other men. She says she keeps telling Dave that and that he says he can live with that as long as she tells him before she does it. I can't believe he's okay with that, it just seems wrong. I don't know. I don't question Lori's needs, i actually can understand the fantasy of sleeping with other men. And I joke that I am a slut by nature, but I'm just not like that.... maybe if I were drunk or something. But the way I feel now is that if you truly love someone than you wouldn't be tempted to do that kind of stuff, that's not to say I wouldn't think it. LOL.
I knew a couple of years ago that I no longer loved my husband - and a lot of it had to do with my desire to be wanted by other men. But now that I have what I have with Rod it is easy to remember once again what you will do for love and how things are meant to be. I know I'm 37 but I look forward to so many wonderful years with that man, if he finally steps up to the plate and takes control of his life once again. It won't be easy for him, but I'll be her for him no matter what. I just wish it was on a permanent basis.
So here it is 9:00 at night on Thursday. Lori just had more screaming, yelling, swearing and slamming doors at Dave for something that had to do with preperations for his mother's funeral. She put together some photos a while back, but Dave's brother re-did the board and now she's upset. I think she lets all her anger bottle up inside her and then totally blows up when the right thing trips her off. Although it is a slap in the face what Dave's brother did. Lori put a lot of thought and care into that photo arrangement. But as soon as she started going off i had to take the kids out for icecream so they wouldn't have to witness her tantrum. Not good for them. So that is the way this vacation has been. By far the longest vacation I've ever had - and not really in a good way. The stress is heavy the tension is thick.
And then to top it all off I have five fever blisters on my bottom lip. God I hope they heal in time, before i see Rod again next week. I think it may be close, but I will do my best to get them healed in time.
8:41 p.m. - 2005-09-01
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