OMG - I cannot believe it has taken me this long to get back on to add a page in my book of drama!!
So... let's see here. Last time I wrote I was happy because THE MOST GENEROUS Sam from my old office had offerred to help me go get the "free" furniture. Yeeeeahh!
That Friday it poured down raining. :( Sam had already called off work, so I had to call his house and see if he happen to look out the window. I just knew the shitty weather was going to mean no furniture - I was bummed before I even picked up the phone to call him.
When he answered I said 'did you happen to look out the window yet'? He said 'no, but by the sounds of it...I'm going to need to bring a tarp to cover your furniture tonight??' WHAT??? I couldn't believe he was not going to back out of helping me. I was actually in shock - I said "OMG I love you! You have no idea how happy you just made me". Meanwhile I'm thinking... helloooo this is quiet shy Sam. I might have just scared this poor boy away with my burst of excitement. Well, apparently not.
I was so happy that day. He showed up at my place after work that Friday - still POURING like a Monsoon was coming in. He looked good. I hadn't seen him for almost 8 months and coincidentally not since I found out he had been going through a divorce as well. BTW - that was a marriage I had always wondered about before when we worked together... (I'll explain more about that another day)
Anyway we went to Lori's to get her truck. We left my car at Lori's and drove the truck to the Navy base to pick up this furniture. I had directions from this chicks husband, but man were they off! We got totally lost!! On base no doubt! Yep folks - we were LOST ON BASE! LOL OH - I could NOT believe it. It was so funny though. One turn just turned into another turn or a dead end. We were laughing our asses off. The windows were fogged, it was pouring, we couldn't see the lines on the road and as it turned out we were nowhere close to the house that had the furniture. Sooo funny. I ended up calling the furniture owner guy, Dave, who had to come rescue us on the other side of the base and have us follow him back to his place.
Somehow through all the pouring rain, we manage to get that furniture loaded onto the truck and covered with Sam's tarp. The tarp was a waste of time. The wind was blowing so hard and we didn't have any holes to anchor it down so we ended up using binder twine sort of wrapped around it and hoped for the best! We were laughing at how ridiculous all of this was. We were soaked from head to toe and we knew it would be soaked too no matter what we did.
Somehow, we manage to get it back to my place and unload it. Once we got it in Sam and I realized just how soaked we were! The whole time we were loading and unloading the furniture Sam and I kept saying how we couldn't believe we were doing this without alcohol,lol. So once the furniture was in my townhouse, we didn't was any time getting a couple of drinks in us. We decided to "dry out" with a few rum and cokes. Bacardi and Diet Coke actually. Btw,Rod called right when we had gotten in.. I told him we were having a pretty fun time, soaked, but fun. He seemed a little annoyed that I was having fun. Oh well, he was the furthest thing from my mind that night. Then when I went to say good bye I couldnt exactly say "ok, love ya" like I always do - wasn't sure if he wanted Sam to know we were even close... it was awkward to say the least. So I didn't say anything except good bye.
Three hours later - it was almost midnight. Sam and I were STILL sitting on that furniture drinking. We were having such a good time talking and enjoying each others company. The buzz of the alchohol just made it more enjoyable, lol.
Its so mind boggling to me. I knew I always had an interest in Sam, but I wasn't sure if it was because he reminded me so much physically of a man I was once very close to. Someone who I was connected with on so many levels. His name was Mike. But Mike passed away two years ago very unexpectedly. I was devastated cause I always considered him my "hope". If things ever went wrong in my life Mike would always be there to make it better any way he could no matter what. Damn him for dying!! I was so mad he died - felt like he cheated me out of my hope. I know it was very selfish of me, but there was so much I was literally days away from calling him and saying to him...and he died. Oh it still causes me pain in my heart..Silly, huh?
Okay - trying to stay focused here.. so Sam and I were still sharing drinks at midnight when Rod called again. This time he was clearly NOT happy that Sam and I were still together. Drinking. I think he even hung up on me, but I wasn'nt sure. I tried to act like it was no big deal to Sam, but in all honestly I was really bothered at the thought that Rod was mad at me. But...oohhh, the drinks, the laughter, the fun...I was really enjoying Sam's company. I gave it an 'oh well' and continued the drinks and great conversation with Sam. It wasn't till 1:00 we finally decided to go return Lori's truck and get my car. I believe we talked the whole way out and back too.
When we got back I knew we had to say goodbye :( I could have spent the whole night just finding out as much as possible about him. Since that wasn't really a choice, I settled for giving him a hug good-bye. I figured that wouldn't be so odd since he did just go out of his way to help me. I am a hugging type person. :p When we hugged...it just sent me into another world. That hug felt really good, almost familiar. I knew immediately what it was. He hugged me the way Mike used to. He totally wrapped his arms around me and hugged me with his whole body. A hug that makes you feel all is right with the world. *heavy sigh* I knew this was headed for trouble. What to do... what to do.
So as he was getting in his car I said you know if you find yourself without anything to do tomorrow, call me.
I learned so much about Sam that night. I learned that he often goes on-line late at night with friends to play games against each other. Here in years past I thought he was hanging out with is friends playing games, lol. I also found ut that he doesn't watch a lot of TV, but has a killer DVD collection. He had pretty much gone into a depression over his divorce and HE was the one who wanted out of his marriage, not her. She was in fact still telling him she'll never stop loving him and that its never too late... oh WOW all the same stuff I was going through with John. Who would have ever guess the quiet Sam had this other side to him? Certainly not me. With every second of our conversation that Friday I was just more and more in shock to be finding out who he really was!!! The man who barley manage a smile at me when we worked together before had REALLY impressed the hell out of me. I always wondered if I was one of very few people he even spoke to at our old office. That little bit, was all I really knew about Sam. Quiet Sam.
I'm still in shock that I learned so much that Friday night. And that all this time when I pictured Sam in his private life, I would imagine he would stay up till wee hours of the morning playing video games with his buddies. I pictured him actually at their houses (or his) sitting in front of a tv and playing video games - always wondered what the wife thought of that. He would come to work, do his job and leave. And not that I gave his wife much thought, but from the pictures on his desk, she seem like a happy person, a little on the heavy side. Their marriage seem to be one of convenience though. Not so much that he seemed gay, more like...maybe they said "hey if youre not going to marry and I'm not going to marry, let's just marry so our friends and family will leave us alone" type of stuff. I know -yet another crazy thought, but seriously that's what I thought his life was. I never pried into it since he was obviously a man of few words. I just figured him for a boy who didn't have a whole lot of social need and was content being an adult kid. And what business was it of mine anyway? Up till that Friday, all I knew for sure was that boy was fucking BRILLIANT!! I called him boy-genius. Everyone did. Let's face it...he knew his databases. He helped me with so many of my database issues that nobody else could. And I'm super-resourceful when it comes to that kind of stuff! There just wasn't anything he couldn't fix for me - that made work so MUCH nicer.
Anyway....back to my evening... As he was leaving I offerred yet another opening for him to call me. I said if he was free, bored, needed help "cleaning" his place, he should call me. :) He surprised me with "I may very well do that". I hoped he would.
The next day I patched things up with Rod. He said he understood the awkwardness of talking to him in front of Sam and that he was just tired too. He also said he didnt'hang up on me - which I'm still not sure I believe.
So then it was Saturday. I was ALL alone. Finding myself once again with nothing to do. I couldn't get my mind off of Sam and Rod was busy with his own things at home. I moved the living room furniture around to figure out how the sofa and loveseat would look best. I was pleased with my work. I like free furniture!! Oh, AND amazingly enough, they were completely dry by the next morning!!!!
Of course I felt the need to call Sam and let him know how the furniture was dry already. Although I know my real reason for calling was that I just wanted to spend more time learning about this "new" Sam. We chatted for only a few minutes. We both admitted to having nothing else (or better)to do, so he invited me over to his place to watch movies. WOOHOOO!! I was so excited. In part to actually have something to do Saturday, but mostly to seeing him again. I was REALLY liking the idea of getting to know Sam.
Now I'm running out of time to write this, but here's my quickest version of the next day:
I went over to his place, we watched movies, we made Long Island Iced Tea's and got slushed again. I couldnt' see the TV anymore even though it was a large screen - so he suggested running out to one of the bars near by. We went out and had yet another drink. After the first drink out - he said he was probably drunk enough to dance. WHAT??? He dances?? Okay THIS I never saw coming at all! Sam dances? I was ALL over that!
So we danced and drank and had a really good time. Came back to his place and well.... One thing lead to another and WOW this was TOTALLY unexpected. I really never expected THAT to happen!! Maybe it was the shock, but we both agreed to keep it under wrap stating *this never happened* What was I doing?? I didn't leave till Sunday evening- totally riddled with guilt. What was I going to tell Rod? Should I tell Rod? Why should I tell Rod? We really weren't seeing each other... And hell, nobody knew except Sam and I. It was Nothing!! Mmmm An Absolutely WONDERFUL NOTHING!!!!
Okay - so that was Friday October 7th. Since then, Sam has manage to come over every free time I have open.... and I let him. I'm enjoying every minute of it. I mean...geez he clears his schedule to be with me.
He took me out for my birthday last Monday, the 17th to a Seafood Restaurant because he knows I love seafood. He's even allergic to seafood. So sweet! We went for a walk afterwards on the nature trail at HACC. All while I kept thinking....How could we have worked together for two years and NOT know anything about each other? AND WOW- this really complicates things with Rod. *snicker*
Sam knows what my relationship is with Rod now, even if I don't. LOL I felt it was important to let him know where I stood with relationships anyway.p>
The following week we e-mailed each other non-stop. Even met up a few more times. I could tell he was completely caught up in this crazy mess, big time..and so was I!
He is so understanding. He says he knows where I'm at, and hopes I will follow my heart. And that he's just happy to be able to spend the time together that we have manage so far. He knows I met Rod first and that I feel a need to give Rod a chance. Ughhhh! That Sam is just PERFECT!!! And he's not even bothered by the fact that he's 10 years younger than me. WHY?? How did this happen? Why didn't I just say no? I'm so confused right now...
For my birthday, in addition to lunch at the Seafood place he bought me a book by Stephen King - so thoughtful. And, he gave me a really nice card saying I was the MOST amazing woman he ever met. This past Friday he took me to dinner at a Mexican Restaurant - another favorite. I spent the night again. This time we slept closer together in each other's arms. I knew this thing we had wasn't going away any time soon. Saturday, Rod came over after he got off work about 11PM! He spent Sunday morning with me running errands and hanging out to eat chinese take-out. As soon as he left - I called Sam.
Sam came over and took me for a drive. Did I mention he has the most awesome black TransAm?? What a powerful car, btw!! We drove up into the Mountains looking at the fall folliage. It was very romantic and beutiful. I know the more time I spend with him the more difficult it becomes!!
I just can't seem to end it...I want to be happy.
Yesterday we spent the evening together again. He told me that one of his best friends (Dean)who works with Rod was questioning him on WHY he's been smiling non-stop and so happy. Dean must have told Sam he knew there was a lady in his life and wanted to know who it was. OH GOD - if Dean finds out its me, it will no-doubt make its way to Rod. Who knows. Plus I can't even begin to imagine what Dean would say about it being me. I've been trying to fix Dean up with a girl for a year. He kind of flirts with me all the time, but very innocently. Its just for fun, but I figured he just knew that Rod and I were having this "thing" and didn't say anything. Now I'm not so sure he understands what Rod and I have going. Hell...neither am I anymore! This will be interesting!! and I'm sure it will get even more interesting!!
Stay tuned...
5:07 p.m. - 2005-10-25
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