Hey TODAY is 9 MONTHS since Sam and I have been dating. Hehe - one of those were secretly of course... gotta love it!!!
So today...WOW - what a weird night...
Last night I fell off asleep as my perfect Sam went about doing everything on my to do list. He's so amazing I love him to death!! He even wrapped the bridal shower gift for one of my friends in the office.
I was exhausted after running around looking at house, one that we were extremely interested in is already under contract! DAMN! .
The other was just not big enough - or not enough storage is what I should be saying.
I think we got our hopes up a little high this week when we were pre-qualified.. we kept hearing the guy saying how our wants and needs are far more conservative than our abilities. Which simple meant, we knew we needed to keep a budget - that's so important to us. This guy also said we were on the extreme high end for credit rating which meant three things...
1) We would be getting offers galor on mortgage loans
2) It would reduce our closing papers by half since most of those papers are more about liability, or ability to pay your mortgage
3) We were qualified for ANY of the loan programs they had at Amer Home Mortg company.
All good and well, but now we just need to find a damn house! Its frustrating, cause I'm so impatient!!
Okay, so last night as a fell off to sleep I was still thinking about houses, had several odd and sort of funny dreams about Sam and I going after homes through auctions and stuff.
The weird part was the part where I was walking the property of one of the homes to see the land and I received a call from Rod. He was going on and on about how he's been thinking about me, couldn't get me out of his mind and would I meet him for lunch. Okay just to be perfectly clear here...I doubt I would even answer the phone if he would have called, although his number would likely come up "unidentified" since he's deleted from my cell, hehe. 2nd I wouldn't have had a conversation with him if I had answered. He's nothing but trouble. A miserable loser that I would gladly like to erase from my memory.
So in my dream he asked me to meet him. In my dreams I wanted to. WHAT???? But then I was feeling so conflicted because I swore to myself I would NEVER even look at another man as long as I have Sam. The thought of doing anything to upset Sam or make him no longer trust me, made me ill. I would NEVER even think of chancing something so important...yet in my dream I was trying to figure how I could get away with meeting Rod, cause I wanted to. I realized after i hung up that I should call him back and say...you know for as much as I wanted to hear you say you made a mistake and that you were still deeply in love with me, its just not worth losing what I have with Sam. Okay...so at least NOW I was starting to dream a little more "real" like. And basically that's it. Nothing ever happened, I never met him. In fact I beleive I woke up shortly after that.
I woke up feeling so guilty. I know I'll mention this dream to Sam, but only because he needs to know I'm still haunted....and he understands why they disturb me, because I love him with all that I am. He's really supportive and has been in the past..since this wasn't the first one.
Ugh... I don't regret things I've done in the past, but I do appreciate it when someone becomes just a memory and no longer a lurking threat to my happiness. I think that's how Rod appears to me in my dreams... a threat to ruin my life. And then...I also need to remember that it was only 9 months ago...
10:11 a.m. - 2006-07-07
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