Well its been one year since that glorious day when Sam showed up to help me move my furniture. Hard to believe.
I still find myself lost in thought and disbelief that I have found the perfect man in Sam. I am convince with every day that passes, however that I have found him. Who would have ever guessed that Sam Fields was that man, hehe.
Not sure if I fougnd time to write last week, it was insanely busy at work and with so much bullshit going on I tend to forget all the good stuff happening daily around me. Like...going to Niagra Falls. An absolute beautiful place to visit. We did wine tastings at a few vinyards. Gambled at the Casinos, took in a comedy show at Yuk Yuks and had dinner at several really nice places. And...there was also this little thing about my car breaking down as we crossed the Canadian border - coming in! Geez. But...with a rental car and super nice garage, we had a terrific weekend anyway. Now we just want to get the girls up there for a weekend. They would love it!
So really - a year? At times it seems like yesterday and other days it seems like years, but always in a good way. When it comes to knowing Sam and understanding his needs and interests I feel so connected like I've known him my whole life. When it comes to thinking about the things we did a year ago - like dinner on my birthday and the romantic walk afterwards, it feels like last week.
This year, I'm not sure what we'll do. Sam usually bowls on Tuesday's but he told them last night that he wouldn't be there next week. That's my man! Always taking out time for me.... for us.
I would be delighted with a repeat of last year. Lunch at Red Lobster and a nice long walk after-wards. Mmmmmmm.
By the way... and of course my mind was going straight to sex here... I got my visit from my red-headed cousin last week, so that made it 6 weeks between mestruals - geesh. I'm ready to go buy a clear blue easy kit to find out my ovulation schedule. I'm so eager to have a baby and enjoy parenting all over again with Sam. He's a terrific father to the girls and they couldn't love him anymore. Although they can be total brats and act spoiled rotten at times - they do care about him alot. This man clearly should have been a father to them a lot sooner. But, I'm glad they have both John and Sam. Especially when I think of all the kids who don't know their biological fathers or (in my case) know them, but have no interaction or special moments with them. John gives them that and cares deeply about them and that's important. Although I will say there are plenty of times Sam far exceeds John in that category, but I really shouldn't go there.
Speaking of not going there... last night I was looking to see if we had any messages for vonage. Since I couldn't remember our password I decided to just go into Sam's e-mail and see if there were any in his inbox. After i checked I decided to get nosey and see who he e-mailed in the past week - this after he told me the night before that he and the guys were planning a paint ball outing.
I'm not sure really why I felt so jilted by that. It wasn't because he was planning something without me (or even with me for all i know).. it was more that I felt we have been so busy lately we haven't had time to sit, relax and talk about our days and what's been going on.
And then it occurred to me that maybe I go on and on too much about my own work that I don't give him time... so I've been making it a point (actually since last week) to ask him how things are going and what's new. Yet he didn't remember to tell me about the paintball thingy... I'm such a big baby.
Okay - so I got nosey.. and found out he has been talking to his ex-wife. Appears she is moving on with her life and getting married. Good for her. But it also appears that he's been having some pretty long e-mail discussions with her. I was so jealous..and not because I suspect in any way that he wants to be back with her, but more so that WE haven't found time to even talk or e-mail each other like we used to.
I should have never read his e-mails and I should never let work interfere with my homelife. He's been so supportive of me trying to make things better here at work and its been a tremendous help. I just feel now like I'm not being there enough for him.
Am I hormonal?? I remember a few weeks ago feeling like he wasn't paying enough attention to me - and I wanted to attack him every night in bed, but then he was tired. Now I'm the one whose tired - like last night after he come home from bowling... ugh.
Okay - so on another note, Lori is a total mess. The stress of being married and having a relationship outside with K is finally wearing her down. She is losing more weight (she's already a waife). She did finally tell Dave that she doesnt' want to be married to him any more. Unfortunately her son picked up the other phone and listened in on the conversation and began wailing. Poor kid. I hope Dave explained things to him afterwards - he deserves that. The boy should NEVER be picking up the phone when adults are on it, but to hear that conversation..? Its just not right. Dave is in denial - he said "he knows" but then he's still giving her ultimatums. They(or maybe just Lori) want to stick it out through the holidays and see what happens afterwards.
Meanwhile...she keep on lying about her daily activities..and stressing about how she doesn't want to be married anymore. I feel for her - the same stuff I went through over a year ago...and my decision was obviously the best one I could make. Of that I'm 100% sure! Anyway - I'm curious to see or know how she will handle the stress of all of this combined with the usual stress of the holidays.
I'm sure she'll be shopping for K and his family along with hers. Good thing she and Dave make plenty of $$!
Okay - so other than all of that - things have been okay. Work gets to me on a regular basis. I love my work, the people are what annoy me. Poor managment I suppose - its like they love to turn us all against each other. And the sad part is that we let them... well I feel that "others" let them more than I do, but I'm guilty too, I'm sure. I would just need an outside person to point it out to me. :(
Okay - so with any luck Sam and I will be looking at new cars this week. Something to replace my Intrepid. Today I have an eye appt - new glasses WOOHOOO!!! Maybe I'll stop and get an oil change for my car as well.
And.. oh yeah... next week I turn 39. My oh my -where did all those years go?
8:14 a.m. - 2006-10-11
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