Well I know its during work hours, but I needed to take a quick moment for myself. Afterall I did work through my lunch yesterday and came in both days early.
It should be a decent week from this point out though, the dragon lady is out of the office. She's actually been decent and civil to me since I've returned from maternity leave with the exception of one e-mail where it appears she was hanging me out to dry. Choose your battles, right? Yeah - anyway its not an easy place to be when you constantly have to be on the defense.
So things have been going really well at home. The baby is starting to using his head to look around more. His neck isn't as wobbly and he's smiling all the time. You just can't help but smile every time you see one of his cute little baby smiles. I don't remember feeling this gushy about my baby when the girls were little. Maybe I was too consumed with everything that had to be done around the house and proving that I was a good mom and able to handle it all without complaint.
This time is definitely different. I expect Sam to do so much more than I would have even thought about asking John to do. But let's face it - Sam is certainly more capable of doing more too.
I'm trying hard to speak up when I get annoyed and Sam is doing his part by stopping me and hugging me when I become completely frustrated. I just love that. He is so supportive, loving and caring I'm finally learning what its like to go to bed fulfilled.
He's still bowling on Tuesday nights. And even though I do still miss him those nights it's not so bad now that Sammy's with me all the time and even better during the weeks the girls are home. The time seems to go by quicker.
This next month will be filled with plenty of holiday planning too, I'm sure. We are going to my sisters for Thanksgiving, but having a small dinner of our own too.
I'm not sure what we'll be doing about Christmas. It's John's week and hopefully he'll be willing to let the girls come over for a little bit to open their presents.
Speaking of the girls, it seems lately I've been putting a lot of attention on Sarah. She has been extremely umbrageous and I just don't know how to handle her sometimes. Sam and I both find ourselves frustrated about this too.
Some day she's warm and some days she's cold. Mostly warm, but every now and then she acts out and neither Sam nor I know what to do. We did notice it seems to be on the days right before going to her dad's, but Sunday night she was acting this way again.
Anyway - She's going to counseling starting next Monday. I can't wait. I believe she needs answers as much as I do about how to handle life.
Its just too hard to tell if she's acting out because she's feeling unnoticed now that the baby is here, or because suddenly she's worried about her life with her dad getting married to the woman the girls literally have said they "hate" . She seemed happy all summer. They still didn't care for this woman, but she's even less tolerable now that school's back in. Maybe its the added stress of schoolwork wearing her down. She says it has nothing to do with little Sammy and in fact she misses us and him whenever she's not with us.
Rachel has outright asked me if I can fight for full custody so she doesn't have to go to her dad's house at all. This of course came the same week her first period came. But I did talk to John about how the girls are not happy when they are with him, and it seems he's improved a little, but nothing will completley take care of it as long as he's with Shannon. Part of me says Rachel has finally grown up enough to realize Mommy is the one with all the answers and who bends over backward for her girls, but another part of that too has to be that she's got more of a social life when she's with me and Sam. I mean she has a lot more friends in our development than John has in his. We keep reminding her that her dad isn't a horrible person and custody battles are not fun. Plus in four more years she'll have her drivers license so she can come and go as she pelases. And I didnt' DARE mention the fact that they are throwing the "custody" word out there to John. Its never been my intentions to take them away from their dad. I wished my dad wanted to see me and have me around during my life - even if it was in this kind of environment. The girls just don't know how bad it can be - and they really shouldn't.
The biggest problem going on with them rightnow is that the girls do not like Shannon. For a number of reasons. She yells at them alot and accuses them of starting fights with her oldest son - 8 years old. They say she acts like a 5 year old herself constantly throwing tantrums. She wears like a sailor and the girls feel its caused their dad to swear all the time too - it literally hurts their ears and makes them scared. They say they both drink like fishes. It does sound like there's a lot of drinking going on. Sarah has called me a few times late at night crying because she says Shannon yelled at her for something and daddy's too drunk to talk to her about it. They say Shannon likes to sit and drink beer after beer then builds paramids out of her beer cans like a game. Rachel says she comes down some mornings and theres two or three empty bottles of wine sitting around. She said her dad doesn't put down his wine glass to even go to the bathroom. I've seen this side of him - so yeah I do believe them when they say all of this.
He had a Halloween Party - I think I mentioned this.... a few weeks ago that turned into a total disaster. Sam and I ended up rescuing the girls from John and Shannon's house. Even though John would never agree that's what happened - it is. He and Shannon were drunk beyond stupid. Apparently she yelled at Sarah for something and then accused her of trying to ruin their party. That's pretty immature. They were too drunk to realize the girls were even upset. Rachel was crying and by the time Sarah got on the phone she threatening to hurt hurself. She said she was going to go down to the kitchen and get a knife to cut herself. Where did she come up with this idea? I knew she had to be pretty damn upset to even THINK about saying something like this. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I was coming over to get her no matter what. I just wasn't sure what to expect. And I wanted to bring Rachel with me too because she asked me not to leave her there. So, then I asked to speak to Uncle Dave (Lori's husband).
He got on the phone and started saying "everything's fine, nothing's wrong - there's no need to come over." LIKE HELL!!! If I was in front of him I would have slapped him. How could he say that? Obviously he was just as drunk. I've lost all my respect for that man too. I don't need his condescending comments about the girls or any advice he thinks he needs to give. I mean John may ask him for advice all the time that Dave thinks he has to act like his father, but I certainly am capable of running my own life and do not aprpeciate it when he attempts to accuse my girls of lying or TRIVIALIZE a serious situation. And this was serious that Sarah was speaking of hurting herself. She felt so bad she said she just wanted to die. THAT's a problem.
So yeah - that's when I decided John and I needed to sit down and finally talk about what was going on at his house that the girls no longer wanted to be there. And about Sarah and that she DEFINITELY needs counseling. I didn't care what John had to say about it.
Luckily John sobered up the next morning and called. And this was one of the first things he said. So I didn't even have to bring it up myself.
We met for lunch last Monday to talk for a little bit. It does sound like he needs to work things out with Shannon and her kids - two different issues. But first and foremost he needs to begin to listen to the girls and start putting himself in their shoes.
He needs to stop trying to defend himself and quite being so selfish. His idea of "listening" is defending his actions on why he did this or why he said that. He's not thinking. Personally, I believe he has forgotten to consider the girls when making his decisions about life. He says everything he's done is for them. I believe he thinks that too. Everything from his engagement to Shannon right down to buying the new house. But you can't just do those things if its NOT what they really want. Its what he wants and what HE thinks a new marriage and nice house is what they want. He never even asked them.
He doesnt' realize what makes a nice house is the love and attention that is being shared within. His house sounds like a place of constant disorder and yelling. Then drinking which seems to be a major issue needs to stop. It scares Sarah more than anything. And Rachel thinks he's drunk all the time so she will never take him seriously. I hope none of this mentally scars either of them for life!!
I explained to John that Sam and I may have a drink now and then, but only one or two. The girls do not understand that anything more than two even it is over a 5 hour period doesnt' mean you are drunk. And would it really hurt him to stop drinking for a little while? Of course I couldnt' drink while I was pregnant so it became even more noticeable to them when that's all John and Shannon did when the girls came over. I am pretty sure this will come up as an issue in Sarah's counseling sessions too. I hope it does because maybe John will listen if it comes from counselor that his drinking is an issue.
I know it seems like I have issues with other people drinking, but I don't. I enjoy drinking myself to relax and have a good time, but not at the cost of ignoring my children. That'll never happen.
So let's hope the counselign works for Sarah. In the meantime, all I can do right now is try to keep the lines of communication open and encourage BOTH of them to keep talking to me.
Okay- so that's about enough of what's been going on.
Back to work
2:17 p.m. - 2007-11-06
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