My fucking back is killing me!!! I swear to GOD there are days when I feel like I could just take a gun and shoot myself right at the most painful spot!! I wuold be a paraplegic, I know, but I'm guessing I wouldn't feel this god damn pain any more!!
Needless to say my pain level is approaching a 10 today. And to make matters worse I must have a muscle strain in my right hip!! JESUS!! It hurst so bad....I can barely walk. I'm 41 not 91.... but ugh I can barely stand it.
As usual our weekend was a life ride on the fast track. Sam/Sam Jen and I took Chrissy and Jamie to Liquids Saturday night. We had such a blast. About 8 other couples made it that night. This was the bachelerette locally that all the other friends couldn't make in Baltimore. Mostly the lesbian friends. Some of the girls I adore. Lisa - too cute. Steph is a wild fun one. Jess(aka Angel) affectionate. But I really just don't get Tonya. She gets so upset when guy/girl couples like us come out to join them at lesbian bars or parties.
She thinks the women "pretend" to like the other people (i.e. girls) because of the environment. Yeeeeah - oh she so doesn't know me!!! Jamie and Chrissy have concluded she's not really comfortable with being gay herself. Seriously? And she's having a baby wither her girlfriend?? WTF? Poor kid.
Despite the Tanya drama we had a really good time. Around 4am we finally headed home. After we hit the diner across from the club. We almost fell asleep at the table - it was too funny. The next day I had to ask Sam if he was at all uncomfortable with the guy hitting on him at Liquids. He wasn't, lol. I think that guy was groping his ass too - hehe. He was telling Sam what a strapping hot sexy body he had. Sam just smiled like 'how u doin' hehe. Got love the man who is totally comfortable with his sexuality!!
Sunday was decent too - no disputes or bruised egos at home with Sam and I. Although at one point I asked what he was doing and he responded that he was making the cd's for the girls wedding. So i offerred to turn off the tv and he got a little defensive because he was watching it ... okay...no problem. But he didnt' say burning cds and watchng tv, so I thought one of the kids left it on. Ugh.
He took it as ..... fuck you if you're not going to tell me your every move I'm going to turn off your movie....and teach you a lesson.
WTF??
He has been so moody lately. I'm like DAMN, I thought I was bad! He's out of control. He makes me out to be this horrible monster contantly nit-picking and thinking horrible things about him. Altough I'm constantly telling him otherwise... AGGGGGHHHGGHHH!! (me screaming)
This morning I jumped into panic mode when he rushed downstairs at 7am saying he was taking the baby to daycare while I get ready for work. I admit I might have been okay with this, but on 4-5 times in the past when I suggested it, he was very indignant and didn't want me to take him (to save time). He would always say - I'll be downstairs and ready in a few minutes....just wait.
Yet he didn't see any similarities. He would NEVER let me take Sammy to daycare so why would I let him take him this morning. Alone? Really? And after he was the one who slept in till 6:35 making us late. You don't see it?? Good GOD!
Well that put him in a mood right away. Then he started on our drive into work with the idea of 'how I think he's horrible and never thinks of me or anything...' again. In his eyes, I'm like this horrible bitchy monster or something.
I really should ahve just let him take Sammy. But, like I said, I might have been okay with it, but it was all the pricipal that he would never allow it for me and he loves to throw stuff like that back at me, so I used it.
Maybe we are too concerned with making sure things are even steven between us we have become completely careless and unforgiving to each other.
I really do wonder about that. I mean how does a person get past that?? I do love him. I'm fairly sure he loves me too - but we can't go through a single day any more without pointing out what the other person hasn't done to each other's satisfaction that day. Its ridiculous.... It really is.
I'm irritated. In pain. And baffled.
Seriously!!!
11:04 a.m. - 2009-05-19
Recent entries:
BAMBOOZLED? - 2016-10-04
Beer, Boobs and Bacon - 2016-09-30
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Day Drinking. Alone. - 2016-09-23
More Wine Please. - 2016-09-21
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