I've been sick. Really really sick...
Had Strep Throat last week and ran to the doctor right after lunch. She did a swab and gave me Penicillin.
Thank God.
By Monday I was still feeling pretty crappy - no wonder since we didn't actually rest over the weekend, lol. Was off Monday for last hour of day and all day Tuesday. Here it turned into an upper respirtory infection. Double Ugh. UGH UGH!! Yuck!!!
Even funnier was Saturday we were at the Selingsgrove club and ran into two folks from our offices. Yep - AWKWARD, but funny. We danced with them. I told Sam afterwards that we must have looked like the two most popular people there... good LORD we knew so many people and those we didn't...? We did by the end of the night. LOL.
So much fun.
But alas Monday came around and guess whose still sick?? Me!! I came to work anyway. Running a fever, coughing and barely able to speak. Felt like crap, but hey I was off two day already I thought for SURE they would be pissed if I called out again...three days later.
They sent me home. By Wednesday I was finally starting to feel better and get my energy back. Whew! That was a major rough spell. I still have the tickle in my throat but at least its just the tickle and not all that pain.
Okay so onto what's missing...
Recently I've added a few more friends to FB. I do enjoy seeing what is new in their lives and also getting to finally put a face to the names of the people I've been talking to via e-mail for years for other random shit.
The first addition was Todd. Fun fun guy.
I just found out he's a year younger than me and recently back to single. He's too funny. Our chats have been a big ice breaker during the day and he reminds me how important it is to stay physically fit. I need more friends like him!!
He runs every day and has began lifting weights now too. He had a brain tumor 3years ago that was removed. So this guy definitely has his priorities in life straight. He's also a flirt, which is just fun.
Although I'm completely comfortable chatting with him. I make it perfectly clear that I'm a faithful woman. :) He has thrown out all sorts of scenarios and I've turned down each though. YEY for me!! And he's damn good-looking too... But alas...that is no me. Not anymore. Rod was a mistake - I will have learned lots from that.
The 2nd addition of interest is Leroy. He is an old boyfriend. Actually one of my first real boyfriends. You know, hold hands, exchange class rings, and actually say the L workd,lol!!! We always had this thing LLL - Linda Loves Leroy ..or reverse.
We met when I was 14 on the railroad tracks of all places. He smiled and I knew I liked him. He was so bashful... so cute. And then all hell broke loose after we saw each other for over a year. The only person I've ever fought with physically in my life, Desa. She was a nutcase...
But as childhood loves go - that ended and we've moved on with our lives.
On occasion I would ask my sister if she's heard from him. And even is she did, she would never let me know. Or trivilize it... as if me knowing how he was was going to ruin his life.
But I've always wondered. And I even saw him like maybe twice, but once I can remember about 15 years ago. He looked miserable.
So with the help of FB we've reconnected. Now with both Todd and Leroy for entertainment my relationship with Sam has improved. Its like I'm getting all the attention I need and crave from those two while Sam works late every night and ignores me during the day. New attention. People truly interested in me andme in them. Its fun.
Although as I've been home sick lately I have so much time to just lay around and rest and heal. Part of that makes me sit and think about life for long spells.
Something that came up was how much I miss wanting to be with someone to just love them. Enjoy their quirkiness and enjoy just their playful glances. Leroy for the short time we were together always did that...
Then I thought about my physical life. Yes, unlike most women my age, I get my fair share of physical attention from many people. But I do crave something more. I want to be romanced and I want to made love to...
I'm not sure I've had that in this relationship. It makes me wonder way too often if I jumped into something too quick.
Maybe I did, but I refuse to fail and let it be a mistake. I do love Sam, very much. It just feels like I've slowly lost him over all this fighting and everything we've been through. I constantly worry that I'll be left alone or he'll just throw in the towel and leave. I'm not sure if my insecurities grow stronger when I'm preoccupied by others or what. But this is the time when my mind is open and thoughts like this creep into them.....
Maybe its because I'm feeling so blah and week. Who knows.
All I do know is I crave attention, I want to be loved and I want to love back. So there it is... what's missing.
Don't get me started on trust..that's a whole other entry. LOL
~me
12:53 p.m. - 2009-10-02
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