Today I started a new med. Supposedly helping me with the rapid fire of Hot Flashes I've been dealing with and just not being able to deal with life in general. But really...its only been 5 hours and already I think I like it, LOL. More to that later.
The week has been rough for me. I am finding myself at my wits end with just about everything, work, Sam, work...and then Sam. The kids have been great... I'm just not finding a balance between the two biggest stress areas of my life and its been taking its toll. Grrr...
Although, this morning I was reading a friends blog and she wrote something two months ago about where she was in her marriage of 21 years. Not that I know her well, I didn't even know she was getting divorced. But..as I read this, I though "how true!!!" and didn't want to forget her insight on the subject. So here is what she wrote:
When I talked (for 3 hours on new years eve!) to my friend/coach...we talked, among other things, about three separation buckets.a) I'm done, b) I think I'm done, c) let's work on it so we're not done. I want to expound on what I think those three separation buckets look like.:
a) I'm done. Finished. No counselors. I might wait a little bit to get a lawyer JUST to make sure, but ugh, I don't want to be with you anymore. You suck, I suck, we're not gonna make it. I want to pop your head off and sh*t down your neck most days, except for an occasional reprieve. I bet you feel the same. Where's the toilet paper, the plunger, and the handle. I need to flush.
b) I *think* I'm done. I'm not completely sure? I don't want to go to a counselor. Right now that seems like a waste of money/time because I don't think it will help. We've been down that road before, and we've worn the topic out. But I'm not 100% positive about where I am and where I want us to be. So I'm going to separate from you for 2 weeks. No dating, not really any talking. I want to see what my life is REALLY like without you. Is this really want I want. And is this what you want, too? I'm hoping we'll both miss each other. Or I'm hoping we both decide we should move on without the other. Whatever we decide, I hope it's the same for both of us, but I'm willing to take that chance either way.
c) I need some air; I'm suffocating in this, but with a little time, I think I can breathe again. Let's get another counselor/go to another workshop. But let's do it from separate headquarters. Let's go to our own corners for a little while and see what can come of this because I'm pretty sure I don't want this to be over, but we've got to do something cuz Bucket B is looming in the background looking pretty nice.
END
As I'm surrounded by friends who have or are going through messy divorces, this little piece of information is so very helpful for Step 1 - Figuring out where you are with things. The other part for me is to keep my head on straight and out of Buckets A and B, lol.
3:26 p.m. - 2011-03-01
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