I�m not sure what�s worse. Taking the initiative and feeling like you have to do all the work or sitting and waiting for him to make a move. We can�t seem to come to any kind of compromise. And most of the time it feels so forced its hard to enjoy.
Last night he lay there �hands to himself. I snuggled into his chest and had my hand on his stomach stroking his skin. He put his arm around me, but nothing else. I needed to shift in a different position due to my back issues. He made no attempt to snuggle with me.
Of course by then I realized that maybe he just wasn�t in the mood so I pulled away to see if he would pull me back or reciprocate the touch � NOTHING. He continued to lay there with his hands completely to himself. Then he fell asleep.
So of course, me being me. I woke up in a bad mood. Tried ever so hard not to act like I was frustrated. But this morning I addressed the issue on the way into work. He says he too was in the mood but I didn�t seem interested. WTF??? Why do we keep finding ourselves at this same point? I feel like I�m not alluring enough for him. I want our sex to be a give and take. And we are never on the same page. There are times I feel like I�m doing all the giving and times when I know I�m just taking.
I wished I had that same feeling we had several years ago. You know � where you can�t keep your hands off each other? Where two days without sex seems like forever? Its been a couple of weeks � again. Not sure when the next time will be but I�m guessing since we have the girls this week � it won�t be this week. I really don�t mind having sex when they are with us, but let�s face it � we don�t have to hold back when they AREN�T there!!!
It just seems every Thursday evening before the girls return I get extra depressed about it. Because in my head its another week without the girls we could have been having stress-free sex and didn�t. Good LORD!!!
So yeah � I�m having a bad day. I�m guessing unless I take a pain killer for my body aches I�m going to have a horrible weekend too. How�s that for an attitude? I so hate this!!!!
10:45 a.m. - 2008-11-14
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