I made the realization today about something that I guess my mind just wondered off in that direction. Years ago while I was going through chemo for cancer, I was asked to do a favor for the acting director of my office at the time. He wanted me to show the newly appointed Executive Director around the town since he was new to the area. Fist I never realized that I could have just said no I don�t feel comfortable. 2nd was that I never understood why he would put such a BURDEN on me.
Needless to say I agreed to the assignment although it made me feel really uncomfortable. What on earth could I at 24 have to show a 35 year old gay man from Washington D.C. about our little town? And considering he was involved in the arts (that was the job)....and I wasn�t, well I just didn�t feel good about the assignment.
So I knew I had to get out of doing it. and....I lied. I went to a co-worker and told her I was feeling bad about myself from losing my hair and all the chemo and stuff and asked her if she would do it. Of course she said yes. I�ve felt bad about that lie for years�still do in fact. She still brings it up to this day13 years later that she remembers when I got really depressed with my treatments. Oh god - that was really low. I mean I never got depressed. Ever.. It was a lie and I used my sickness to my advantage. I know � very wrong and very juvenile.
So as I sit in my doctors office today just letting my thoughts wonder I realized for the first time that the only reason my boss asked me to show this guy around was because even at my worst state (in appearance) I was the biggest social butterfly. Always will be. I just didn�t ever realize that the thought was because I had so many friends and was constantly out with them that I appeared to be bigger than I was socially.
My co-worker did in fact take the new guy out, but now many years later I realize it had more to do with my immaturity. That is something I would have no problem doing now. I could show anyone of any culture around this town and show them a pretty good time. Hey I�ve matured some I guess.
4:13 p.m. - 2005-05-25
Recent entries:
BAMBOOZLED? - 2016-10-04
Beer, Boobs and Bacon - 2016-09-30
Your Battery is Low - 2016-09-29
Day Drinking. Alone. - 2016-09-23
More Wine Please. - 2016-09-21
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
blah-g
Barefoot Ruby
misfitstray
alwayshiding
nineofswords.
catsoul
jimbostaxi
astitchaway
starkitten01
sundaygirl
matt
dangerspouse
tomatogirl
curious-me