Okay so did I happen to mention that the smallest of compliments from R just send me right over the edge? I�m so crazy for that guy � and he has such power over me. It really sucks sometimes. Last Wednesday he asked me to meet him for lunch. I was all too happy to do so, but yet afraid once again that he had bad news of some sort.
What could be worse than the last time right? Anyway, he just wanted to get with me to vent his frustrations and just to see me. That took me by surprise! He looked so good too. And yes, we kissed during lunch � I miss his lips so much. His wonderful soft lips.
After lunch I told him how good I was feeling just getting to see him. Not really expecting a reply� then he tells me that he wishes things could have been different and that every time he sees me he eats his heart out. Followed by yet another compliment of how gorgeous I am. Well geez� just melt my heart , turn it into a bullet to shoot right at my brain.!!!!
He has me all over again. Every time I think that I can go on without him � he walks right back into my heart and I go right for it. He does control me�..ahhhhhh. What would really tell me he�s back in it would be to say he loves me. He hasn�t said it for months � he�s told me he still has me in his heart, but you know me, I�m a girl� and yeah I want to hear it. It does suck being a girl too � wanting to hear things like that and wanting to know for sure we have their 100% undivided attention. I worry all the time that he thinks I�m a psychopath lunatic! Funny cause my girl Lori is going through the same thing right now. She keeps hoping for advice from me.... and I can�t help her. I just keep telling her to go with the flow.
Well its late� I�m still at work finishing up some reports. I better get this entry posted or I will go another week without an entry.
6:56 p.m. - 2005-05-31
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